Saturday, April 30, 2005
in urgency of the return to the elephant kingdom
that i might fly today
went to the airport
wished i was flying
to somewhere,
right away.
instead, i ate sushi.
ate calbee prawn crackers
with ice milo
on the highway,
with A.
we ate all the way from west to east,
drown ourselves with airport caffine.
and A got a hair-cut
- so bizarre!
eating my weekends,
driving to the airport,
coffee and hair-cut.
back home,
we want to watch LOTR,
all 3 episodes in one night.
haha.
this long weekends,
i thought i might fly.
reader k | 4/30/2005 09:12:00 PM |
0 comments
Friday, April 29, 2005
i skipped school to go to the zoo
the other day you asked if i have,
ever skipped school.
yes of course,
we all did.
for different reasons.
i went to the zoo.
i was 17 too.
that reminded me,
when she told me she went to the zoo too,
in the night,
not doing her homework,
just to see the elephants.
she said "elephants"!
and she thought i wouldn't scold her,
- for the sake of "elephants"?!
i didn't scold her.
today you skipped my lesson,
for the sake of some girl.
you didn't dare tell me,
because you knew i would be angry.
why did you do it then,
if you knew that i would be angry?
people are the funniest creatures.
i think i should go to the zoo again,
to see the elephants.
but it is sad,
to say that i have to go to the "zoo",
so that i can see them.
then again, maybe they are watching us.
i skipped school,
to go to the zoo,
with some girl.
and the song from the Malaysian Zoo Commercial
went on and on in our heads....
"Let's go to the zoo,
there are lots of things to do!
there's blah blah, blah blah, blah blah, blah blah,
and don't know what else the fuck there is...."
reader k | 4/29/2005 08:20:00 PM |
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Thursday, April 28, 2005
crazy K one day
today's a crazy k's day -
i went through 3 classes worth of sketchbooks,
till 6.30pm.
spoke to B today. nag rather.
he was pissed, i can see that.
but he listens, i can see that.
then suddenly, i felt tired.
i felt like crying.
the bell went,
and i told him to go off for his next class.
you showed me your drawing,
i couldn't even see,
i'm so sorry.
another minute you guys to stay,
you will see me cry.
otherwise i was happy.
i was still still happy.
you said it's the jab on my left arm.
that made me happy.
of cos it did,
it took away my pain.
later at that moment of happiness,
after my silly chat with THE PILOT,
B messaged.
said sorry.
i was speechless.
i told him to watch Arts Central -
it was showing the music programme
he told me about last week.
i wonder if
i will see him in the new seat.
even if he is not,
it doesn't matter.
really.
reader k | 4/28/2005 08:24:00 PM |
0 comments
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
chocolate with a thousand leaves
chocolate with a thousand leaves.
at this moment, that sounds like a pain in my head.
chocolate is a killer for migraine.
it sounds like:
dessert with a thousand pins.
otherwise, it puts a smile on my face
(with the ease of the pain after the stronger pain killer been injected into me),
as i recalled
how you have enjoyed
that thousand of chocolate-coated leaves.
you have been a gem.
even though i have not seen you for days,
i've beginning to feel the shine in you,
bit by bit.
email with a thousand loves,
k
reader k | 4/27/2005 07:26:00 PM |
0 comments
Monday, April 25, 2005
jreadskreadsclockworkorange
on sunday,
i wore the chain.
i pin it close to my heart,
just like the way i wore
the many brooches,
from you.
and you messaged.
telling me about the package.
telling me how the redhead song
made you know it's the gift for me.
the same song
i replayed.
the only song
i replayed.
how'd you know?
i'm glad we spoke
once again.
you'd read me
like a book.
i'd like to be your favourite book
jreadskreadsclockworkorange
my favourite book.
reader k | 4/25/2005 04:38:00 PM |
0 comments
otherwise
speechless, dear.
B being in the old seat,
i was just speechless with an ache in my chest.
should it not be a one,
two days getting-over-it thing?
it seems he's not (going to move)
an inch (moved)
he is the only one
i bother to talk to umpteen times
with justification of my intention
Still, i am not able to move him,
not physically,
not with all my sincerity and good intention.
i'm beginning to doubt myself.
sigh.
you said i've done my best.
your suggestion,
i may adapt.
it's so fucking frustrating.
the course is alright, but very tiring.
from 9am to 5.30pm and with crappy food.
thanks for the email, it has been the only highlight today :)
otherwise haunted by work review,
and in urgency of coffee,
with love,
k
reader k | 4/25/2005 04:25:00 PM |
0 comments
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Me - U = Blue ????
i almost laugh my head off
when this song came onto the radio.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!! !!! !!!!!!!!!!!
was on the way back from the movies,
in the car,
we tuned to the radio,
and this song came on.
gosh, it was 14 years ago!
when i was only 17!
K.Yow and me listened to it so so much
that we talked about it
over phone calls,
over letters.
(there were no sms, msn or even emails then)
the song is so crappy,
we were crappy.
--------------------------------------
told alex,
he laughed his head off,
i have to tape it back.
reader k | 4/24/2005 11:00:00 PM |
0 comments
2 thoughts
Italian Food
The Story of Boys and Girls -
first we feasted on a sumptuous meal
followed by a sumptuous lust
accompanied by a sumptuous view of human behaviour.
of course, there is also
the beautiful language
and scenery.
A feast of sight and sound,
brilliant.
every character came off with
a sad story
behind every smile, every laughter.
----------------------------------------------------Far Side of the Moon"Bitterness is the obstacle to reconciliation"
Robert Lepage's character of Philippe said,
as he gave his long story to the bartender
to explain why and who he was meeting at the bar.
As he walked away later,
he said
"I am speaking loudly, but I am not ridiculous".
Sputnik went into space,
the clothes spinning in the dryer,
do i want to lose my mind,
or just the gravity that kept me sane?
with my two feet firmly rooted to the ground,
i felt safe,
i thought so.
am i safe? really?
do i dare to let go?
do i want to let go?
can i let go?
we missed the chance,
we missed the time,
we missed each other.
it doesn't matter.
sputnik sweetheart.
-------------------------------------------------------------http://www.windows.ucar.edu/cgi-bin/tour_def/space_missions/sputnik.html
Sputnik 1, launched on Oct 4, 1957, became the first artificial satellite to successfully orbit the Earth. It stayed in orbit for 6 months before falling back to Earth.
The second Sputnik satellite was launched on Nov 3, 1957 and carried a dog, named Laika, into space. Biological data was returned for a week before the animal had to be put to sleep.
The last Sputnik installment was intended to be a space laboratory for study of Earth's magnetic field and radiation belt. After its launch on May 15, 1958, it remained in orbit for nearly two years.
reader k | 4/24/2005 10:41:00 PM |
0 comments
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Package from J
as i awake from my migraine
a package from J
arrived.
(the snail did make it)
the pink bomb :
- beggars group spring sampler 2004
- sliver pouch of elephant earrings, chain, brooches
-------------------------------------------------------------
j wrote:
dear k,
look!
you're on the cd cover
(heart)
happy belated birthday!
j
t.p east
singapore
--------------------------------------------------
yellow cd cover:
she (k) was holing an umbrella
listening to the player
in her (k's) arms.
rain splattering.
headphones over her (k's) head.
music splattering into her (k's)
ears.
music from j
-------------------------------------------------
\ misery is a butterfly \ Blonde Redhead
(http://www.blonde-redhead.com/loader_content.html)
Dearest Jane I should've known better But I couldn't say hello, I didn't know why But now I think, I think you were sad Yes you were, you were, you were What I say, I say only to you Cause I love and I love only you Dearest Jane, I want to give you a dream That no one has given you Remember when we found misery We watched her, watched her spread her wings And slowly fly around our room And she asked for your gentle mind Misery is a butterfly Her heavy wings will warp your mind With her small ugly face And her long antenna And her black and pink heavy wings Remember when we found misery We watched her, watched her spread her wings And slowly fly around our room And she asked for your gentle mind
reader k | 4/23/2005 02:19:00 PM |
0 comments
that pain in the head
when i reached home
i threw \everything\ out.
the \pain\ started to crawl
all over my head
as I dropped each of you off
at the different lift lobbies.
each wave-goodbye occupied by
a twitch of \pain\ .
needle-like \pain\ poking into my head.
no pounding,
but little pulling,
by a strange force.
i don't like it.
\pain \pain \pain \pain \fuck pain\ pain\pain\
reader k | 4/23/2005 12:55:00 PM |
0 comments
to be or not to be
something was
going up and down yesterday:
rain and clear sky after
feelings of joy,
and disappointment after.
anger and resolution after.
it wasn't such a great time
for you,
i think.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i've showed the real me,
and you have felt uncomfortable.
the night of migraine,
i may have,
not been,
that totally involved,
i was there,
and,
i love you all.
k
PS: at least there was no "car accident", i have 4 lives perfect in my car.
reader k | 4/23/2005 12:43:00 PM |
0 comments
Friday, April 22, 2005
odds and ends
i just signed a bill of $2k plus
on me credit card yesterday.
horrible.
-------------------------------------------
tiring day.
lesson non-stop from morning till late afternoon.
my seat was cold from me absence.
"In the absence of Katherine",
L wrote that once.
beautiful poem.
love it, love him,
my favourite pal.
blue dress,
late night at his place,
minestrone soup by him,
and "Cardigans".
dear, dear friend.
when migraine creeps in,
i began to write nonsense.
k
reader k | 4/22/2005 01:19:00 AM |
0 comments
Thursday, April 21, 2005
two wheels
Wheel 1
(i found this brilliant photo on the web but didn't manage to copy the website addressso as to give credit to the owner. i can't seem to be able to track back)i want to get on the ferris wheel
to go round and round,
aimlessly.
no worries.
and if i cry
my tears will be dried
by the aimless movement
of the wheel.
----------------------------------------------
Wheel 2
today i was turing at a corner
(turned too fast and cut the lane)
as i glanced at my mirror
the driver behind showed me
a middle finger.
i guess he is eager to let me know,
he has a short temper.
i guess he has a short penis too,
judging from the length of his
middle finger.
i pity him.
reader k | 4/21/2005 08:24:00 PM |
0 comments
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
disappointed
totally drained
of energy.
Peepshow TV is pathetic
Pirated Copy is a drag
of familiarity.
i don't fancy any.
-------------------------------------------------
two cups of coffee
in 2 hours,
still
it failed to keep me up.
it's a bad-bad-rotten-rotten day
and it went by so slowly,
a d----r--a-------g
just like Peepshow TV.
I watched my bad day
going and going and going,
but it doesn't seem to be going
far away
from me.
it stayed through the
whole day.
--------------------------------------
cheer up,
tomorrow will be a better day.
reader k | 4/20/2005 10:05:00 AM |
0 comments
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
what do you get?
Caught "Millions" today.
meaningful, thoughtful.
blinded by money,
we missed out the beautiful things
in life,
or simply, just right in front
of us.
we only hear what we want to hear
see what we want to see
feel,
feel nothing.
nothing at all.
we don't know how to feel.
we don't know what we need,
cos we thought we needed
everything.
it's rare to watch a story
with so much care within.
i used to say
that
you only do things
that benefit yourself.
i hope i am wrong.
you have touched my heart
with the things you said.
they only benefit me,
but you said them,
just for me.
i wish
i was wrong, before.
love,
k
reader k | 4/19/2005 09:03:00 PM |
0 comments
it is not immediate
5 mins to my next lesson
but all i can focus now
are some of the sad faces i saw
during the previous class
i told them i changed their seats
for better reasons
to see them grow better
i meant every word
but i know it's hard
to see
any good changes
any effects.
nothing is immediate
how do i make them see that?
i am clueless
i'm trying too hard
i should just leave it.
reader k | 4/19/2005 05:57:00 PM |
0 comments
what is it like there?
What is it like there?
I walked through
them,
almost floating,
drifting,
through
the neatly constructed graphs.
tip-toe-ing,
glancing over their shoulders,
but i cannot
feel,
what is it like there.
Instruments to construct.
if only we could
construct the perfect graph
of our lives.
i am confused.
reader k | 4/19/2005 12:29:00 AM |
0 comments
Monday, April 18, 2005
angry k
i can't even recognised myself
when i saw my reflection
terrible terrible terrible me
i didn't want to shout at them
they are only a bunch of kids
without ears to listen
without hearts to care
without eyes to whatever the fuck,
just not see.
i pity them,
i am afraid of myself
i don't recognise myself
and fuck, it made me lose my voice.
reader k | 4/18/2005 03:26:00 PM |
0 comments
Saturday, April 16, 2005
i am not upset
no,
he did not call.
this brings the relationship to a new phase.
it may not be bad at all.
we both need to grow.
i think i am
happy.
reader k | 4/16/2005 10:04:00 PM |
0 comments
happy birthday
after sending my preciousss home
i finally fell dead at 4am
that ended my 30 years of life
started my 31st.
brand new seconds for me
but as usual, i slept in.
woke up with a sore throat.
rushed to meet my cheesepie gangs
without fail, B and G were late
2 hours late.
Pressies Pressies Pressies
yaya-girl gave me HMV vouchers
B and G boys got me clothes
i ate my lunch to dinner
i almost fell asleep on the table
more coffee to keep up
caught "My Jealous Barber" at 1900 hrs
slow, friendly, a relief.
bought myself a new water-bottle
----- dear student broke mine
caught "When Beckham met Owen" at 2115 hrs
what a happy-sad-happy film
saw the usual film fest gang:
cal, lun, inky
my oldest friends,
fenfei and vivian.
other faces without names.
up and down the escalator
in and out the cinemas
jinn sang me a birthday song
it was more than music to the ears
it shot through my heart.
saw theia my dear god-daughter
smiling happily in her PJ
and it's back to work now
life still goes on
reader k | 4/16/2005 09:45:00 AM |
0 comments
Friday, April 15, 2005
little fun
it is almost like what i had before
the hanging out, the endless talking,
listening.
but the same stress, complaints, expectations, even understandings. these precious are god-send
gloomy their life may seem
they see a bigger picture than me
i adore themthe meaning of "to be happy"
may be them. the drive sees different passion
different anticipation
faces younger
yet fallen deeperthe lines are winding
the sorrow being sang
as a happy tune i love thee.
reader k | 4/15/2005 12:46:00 AM |
0 comments
14 years apart
my 14-years-apart friends
gave me a surprise today
door opens to ----
cake with elephant decorated!
many many 14-years-apart
friends. i was touched.
i wanted to cry,but held back.
they made me laugh
every seconds.
reader k | 4/15/2005 12:29:00 AM |
0 comments
Thursday, April 14, 2005
for j
i do miss j.
it's been a long time i missed someone.
countless words have come to none.
saw her at the sharing
sat together for the whole session
feels so unreal
forgotten the last time we talk
wanted to tell her
i miss her,
but instead, i asked if she'd wanted a mint
we parted so suddenly
she left me a message
"coffee soon, just us"
she was going to send me
a pink
bomb,
snail mail.
the snail is really
s l o w
or has it exploded on the way
i forgotten how she cuddled me
with a big hug, in Spain,
when i was drenched.
she wrote me the words i need to read
i wore her brooches
close to my heart
i need to see her soon.
k
reader k | 4/14/2005 10:12:00 PM |
0 comments
what is real?
G had done a great job
they are still not happy.
we have slog our ass
they are still not happy.
words but no action.
--------------------------------------
if i were 17,
i'd say life
sucks.
but i try to be happy
cos he told me so.
--------------------------------------
his last words -
j made it into a stamp for me.
my dear j, we don't see
each other, more.
--------------------------------------
i am not happy.
--------------------------------------
i will still be waiting
for that one short note
on the 16th.
i know he remembers,
it gets shorter every year.
i wonder
if it's just "hbd" this year...
then what will next year be?
nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing
no thing
n o thin g
--------------------------------------
so
what is real?
reader k | 4/14/2005 08:29:00 PM |
0 comments
for 5B
this is for you guys.
i dread the early weekday mornings.
i think about the sight of
5B,
a smile awakes.
i have to be there,
for you.
we are almost half-way there,
i know i will cry
when i dread the weekday mornings
again,
and you are not there.
love, mrs m
reader k | 4/14/2005 10:03:00 AM |
0 comments
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
a secret place
and he found me
at my secret hiding place.
it is surreal.
i see him at different context,
in one day.
different entity,
in one day.
the same person, multi-roles.
i have to change
my tone, my words, my smile,
and how i look at him.
just like putting on a different dress each time.
challenging, dangerous.
i am too,
embarking on a changing quest.
reader k | 4/13/2005 01:27:00 AM |
0 comments
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
the sound of love
the sound of love
draws you in.
suddenly.
we were not alone.
the silence filled
the echos remain
my doubts doubled.
reader k | 4/12/2005 05:59:00 AM |
0 comments
Monday, April 11, 2005
feels like flying
so we were talking and talking about this and that.
changes taken place,
are there any?
as i think of ideas
i want to
head back to school
when i can indulge in my research
the feeling of flying
comes back
i look at him
this youth is too much for me to indulge
i wish it is my work
because i know exactly what comes next
i am light-headed, right then
i want to own it.
impossible.
the sound of love
is
an inspiration
only.
reader k | 4/11/2005 05:25:00 AM |
0 comments
Saturday, April 09, 2005
life is bittersweet
i wish i don't have to work, but what else would i do if i don't work? I'd probably be reading, heaps. and then i'll think about what i can do with what i have read.
but that is not going to happen.
the tons of paper work sucks. why do people want to keep tons of paper documents that they intend to throw it away months later?
sometimes i wish i am kiki. she has no other possession except for her rubber balls and some chewy bones. when they have worn out, we threw them out cos they hurt her, and we get her more. she felt sad to see them in the bin, sometimes she hangs around near the bin for the longest time. she knows she will miss them, but she comes to terms the next day that they have gone, to the rubber ball heaven.
i wish i can be like her.
reader k | 4/09/2005 08:59:00 PM |
0 comments
