:: reader k ::

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

i think i am happy

loving school,
but love holidays more :)

reader k | 6/28/2005 09:45:00 PM | 0 comments

non-stop flight to giddy land

term 3.
i thought i would be tired,
as i carried through the first day (12 hours)
with a pounding on the left side of my head.
literally walking around, having 3 double-periods in a row.

done deed:
sent 2 kids out of class failing to meet the standard of accepted hair-length.
met a relative of a kid.
solved a problem ( i hope).
settling CCA stuffs.
more paper work.
rehearsed wayang for youth day.
plannd a time for AEP exhibition trip.
finally sat at my desk at 6pm,
only to realise the pounding is still there,
and i have eaten nothing for the whole day.

Situation 1:
missing one kid on the first day.
called and messaged but no reply.
worried.
he finally called back at night.
honestly admiting he'd over-slept.
sigh.
A witnessed me scolding kid on the phone.
he was amused.

Situation 2:
head pounding non-stop.
pills to be taken after food.
late intake of food caused gastric pain.
pills did not take effect.

Situation 3:
drove with 4 pessengers in car.
dropped off 3.
dropped off 1.
head still pounding.

Situation 4:
dinner was delicious.
but was hard to swallow.
pills finally took effect.
fell asleep seconds after i hit the bed.

terrible first day.

reader k | 6/28/2005 09:30:00 PM | 0 comments

Friday, June 24, 2005

coffee and cigarettes

J called for coffee.
i said play-by-ear.
alas, not able.
-fucked by work.

J went to the doc.
i asked what had happen.
J said "the usual", and "by the way, i've quit smoking!"
i congratulated J.
we shall celebrate,
by smoking together.
because J has only quit
as a heavy smoker.
J is still a social smoker.

fucked by work,
no coffee,
no smoking,
no J,
no K.
only the glowing elephants J sent to K.
love them.

blah.

reader k | 6/24/2005 09:29:00 PM | 0 comments

juxtaposing james' thoughts

dear Little popped "let it come down" into my life,
that was 1997. i was 23.

8 years later,
it still stays in my life,
and got you talking to me.
we talked about james' thoughts.
how he had inspired you,
how his words have created a special place,
in us.

today,
in the freezing staff room,
within the stale air,
the dusty tables,
i spent my precious afternoon,
with a cold cup of cup-noodle,
and the pile of sketch books.
i pitied myself,
i listened to james.
someone sharing the other side of the table,
pop his head over,
and asked,
'is that james iha?'
and a conversation began.

not as smashing as the one we had,
and it interrupted my markings.
but it intrigued me.
not the conversation,
but the power of james' words,
his presence.
not main-stream, not known.
yet, its impact on someone's life
is obvious, if found.

i read your thoughts too,
i wished i could be there for you,
at that moment.
and this is for you.

"The sound of love is passing the city's decay
And people always searching a lonely disease
And over-running
Run right to the faith
I swear that this love is strong
It's gonna carry me
And know that this dream and every desire"

reader k | 6/24/2005 09:16:00 PM | 0 comments

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

this is happiness

kiki had 4 new balls.
A hid away 3 and gave her 1.
she was happy over the walls!
this is happiness.

occasionally kiki will stroll past them.
a little kiss on Reese's lips,
a little kiss on Renee's ears.
both giggle.
this is happiness.

A sent:
"coming home"
i deleted it.
38 minutes later,
A sent:
"walking back"
i deleted.
8 minutes later,
A is at the door.
this is happiness.

A is the favourite person of
kiki, reese, renee, k.
(even though A is tone-deaf, we love him!)
this is happiness.

one silly boy sent:
"Mum thanks for helping me today :) "
this is happiness.

a promise broken by someone.
i trusted,
i helped,
i spent time talking to.
this is NOT happiness.

reader k | 6/21/2005 08:11:00 PM | 0 comments

Friday, June 17, 2005

seriously in need of the right tune

had been so off-tune lately.
everything's going right in the wrong way.
not meant to be.
i lost my focus.
gotta get it back.

was great seeing some of them,
everything was pretty good.
except that they started the wrong fire.

got my so-en, nylon and zink.
happiness.
much to be read,
to be induced,
to be nourished,
to be inspired.
needed that.

sk asked for one of the prints.
i may have to paint something to replace it.

saw someone dressed like J at kino,
while A met the real J on the train,
almost at the same time.
A told me J was spaced-out,
i told J,
J told me she was tired:
"slept late, woke up early for asthma check-up,
heavy shopping bag, 3/4 paint for school!
cab long Q, bad hair day, hungry and tired."

i told J to have tea and smile,
J said will have coffee but cannot smile.
followed by a vent of air:
"why doesn't the world understand the pain of
slept late, woke up early for asthma check-up,
heavy shopping bag, 3/4 paint for school!
cab long Q, bad hair day, hungry and tired?"

i replied:
"maybe because the world has all these spread out,
so it doesn't understand the pain to have them altogether."

J replied:
" :> " or was it a " : P "
i was too fast to hit "delete".
but it was nice hearing from her,
despite her bad day.

Fabby sent a sad message.
told him it's time to take the hammer and hit the wall in front.
he said the problem is that he is the wall.
what should i say next?

seeing SK tomorrow.
at a wedding.
missed her nonsense and concern.

reader k | 6/17/2005 08:19:00 PM | 0 comments

Monday, June 13, 2005

filling in the blanks

phone call from school,
so reluctant to answer it.
of course it is no good news.
i have to write a report,
on the inhaler's conduct.
what should i say?
he needs air to breath.
i need air too.

a brand new ball for kiki
and she has ripped it apart,
within minutes.
blame it on the poor quality product,
or her love for balls
is just too passionate.
but easily contended,
she curled up on the pillow,
must be dreaming of the ball,
before it was dead.

car to be serviced tomorrow.
hope:
yellow paint to be removed
dent to be fixed
and i'll be easily contended.

the tailor girl did not reply,
does she exist?

missed my spice-girls cousins
ginger and pepper.
must fix up a visit:
dinner
dvd
wine
akira blue screen
A and T fell asleep
the girls awake and talking

reader k | 6/13/2005 09:15:00 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, June 12, 2005

wandering wandering

so nice,
to not have to be at the computer,
for days.
i didn't miss it a bit.

walked a lot a lot.
more than just walking to my car,
more than just walking up four flights of stairs to art room.
(several times a day)
getting lost in the market,
walked more,
wanting to grab more goodies,
walked more,
wanting to taste the suki pot,
walked more,
wanting to be at the cinema,
walked more,
wanting to see Chang,
walked more,
wanting more,
walked more.

back to reality.
blah.
like them, i am also counting the days.
there aren't many to be counted.

a trip that (once again) made me
look forward to more of it (again! again-again!)
and my faithful companion - A
he is happy just seeing me happy.

back to reality, really,
laundry done; with a little push button.
more ironing; will get to that.
doggie to be hugged; gladly done!
emails to be checked; argh!
bills to be paid; argh! argh!
work-related emails to be checked and replied; argh! argh! argh!
work; argh and blah!

and i wonder what the gang has been up to.

reader k | 6/12/2005 05:45:00 PM | 0 comments

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

because

let me have
the pretty things
the gorgeous food
the pool
the friendly smile
the sun!

i want to see Chang,
i want to eat noodles by the phone booth,
i want to have rounds of the suki pot,
i want to walk through the busy markets,
to dig for brooches and stuffs!

in the midst of all these,
i'll be thinking of the sad face.

reader k | 6/08/2005 06:32:00 PM | 0 comments

Monday, June 06, 2005

dance dance dance

went to the one and only performance
we are watching for this arts fest.
used to go to plenty, but it's too costly.

A choose this one.
i felt bad. because i don't like it after that.
the concept is interesting,
but it's draggy,
repetitive,
monotonous.
the interesting impact is not there.
lost.
2 dancers,
with a backdrop of a somewhat screen-savers.
hoops and yoyo do that on my laptop too.

another experience. it's alright.
next up,
fantastic film festival!!!

reader k | 6/06/2005 09:45:00 PM | 0 comments

if only i'm ignorant

the expectation was long gone,
how'd you think all these have survived
after once, and once again,
damaged done, and mend again?
the last straw never did appear,
there was never one,
so far.

i'd never come around to set the expiry date,
never.
all i did was swept up the crumbs
that you'd promised to eat and remember.
apparently you have a weak stomach.

you remembered my words,
just like you remembering the lyrics of songs.
but you sang out of tune to my words.
i can't blame you, i'll never blame you.

you'll learn, one day, i believe.
just that i may not see it.

reader k | 6/06/2005 09:34:00 PM | 0 comments

Sunday, June 05, 2005

watching me, watching you

i want to watch these:
when i turn 9 -------
madagascar -------- watched
the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy ---------
star wars:EP III revenge of the sith -------- watched
last quarter ------ may have missed it already
a wicked tale ------- just wanna see how "unique a local flick" it is
eros --------
mr and mrs smith ----------
batman begins ------------
initial D ----------
fantastic film festival ---------
millions ------- watched (brilliant!!)
kingdom of heaven --------- watched

reader k | 6/05/2005 12:03:00 AM | 0 comments

Saturday, June 04, 2005

betrayal in the depeche mode

as i was trashing you in my car,
David Gahan came on,
with words of contradiction.
you're in favour.
too bad for me,
but lucky for me,
i have the control.

"everything counts" -
you were not even born then!
why were they on your side?!!
we should have smashing pumpkins,
DM corrupts you.

as a consolation to your good sense of humour,
your willing coorperation,
here you are:

The handshake seals the contract
From the contract there's no turning back
The turning point of a career
In Korea being insincere
The holiday was fun-packed
The contract, still intact
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after allIt's a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts

The graph on the wall
Tells the story of it all
Picture it now see just how
The lies and deceit gained a little more power
Confidence - taken in
By a suntan and a grin
The grabbing hands grab all they can

All for themselves - after all
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
It's a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts
The grabbing hands grab all they can
Everything counts in large amounts

The handshake seals the contract
From the contract there's no turning back
The turning point of a career
In Korea being insincere
The holiday was fun-packed
The contract, still intact

The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
It's a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts

The graph on the wall
Tells the story of it all
Picture it now see just how
The lies and deceit gained a little more power
Confidence - taken in

By a suntan and a grin
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
The grabbing hands grab all they can
All for themselves - after all
It's a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts

The grabbing hands grab all they can
Everything counts in large amounts

reader k | 6/04/2005 08:30:00 PM | 0 comments

phish-push-pash

wow wee!
the stars did dropped,
definitely the posters too!
but the kids stayed on
the whole night!!!
i was glad, for whatever reason,
i'm not sure why.

balloons work wonders,
it kept kids of all ages amused,
from 7 to 17.
i wished i was 17.

totally bashed,
but am glad i have the entertainment
from my group of angels.
Helium talk,
fashion statement,
poser photographs,
mostly, heaps of laughter, admist the boredom.

retreated,
i am in need of serious rest.
i'm not 17 afterall.

finally it's over,
just waiting to hear the debrief,
claim my dough back,
and once again, back to serious work.

ta ta ta da!

reader k | 6/04/2005 08:17:00 PM | 0 comments

Friday, June 03, 2005

back from the atmosphere

the first day i can sleep in.
i slept in,
and i dreamt that i was checking on their attendance.
i actually did.
caught 3. blah.
when will it end? sigh.

the party is tomorrow.
not sure what to feel,
the preparation started long ago for us,
seems like it has been there forever.
just tired about it, hope it will go without any hipups.
fingers crossed.
don't want my head to roll.
all i can think about is that
the stars don't drop,
the posters don't drop,
the banner don't drop.

she said she will come visit me soon,
in her nurse's uniform.
i want to believe her.
i think i do believe her,
otherwise i wouldn't message her.
it was disappointment,
it was hurt that i get from her,
but i want to believe her.

as for you,
i always think that you're the little pig
that used straws to build the house
- fast at thinking, but too impulsive.
after all these while,
maybe you are the one that used the sticks
(in a way, i've given you many sticks so far, enough to build a house).
but deep down, i think you actually are
the one that built it with bricks.
pretedning you are happy,
at the same time, being paranoid.
i'm sorry i came into your life in this crap year,
and you have taken your positions too
in two of my childhood children's stories -
"the boy who cries wolves"
and "the 3 little pigs".
what is next?
i hope it's "the little red riding hood",
someone so brave, loving, kind, smart,
and who killed the big, bad wolf.

i hope at the end of this year,
you would tell me it's not so crap afterall.

reader k | 6/03/2005 01:23:00 AM | 0 comments

Thursday, June 02, 2005

for the sake of whatever

irony.
i was doing all these
before i am doing what i am doing now.
and i got paid for doing all these,
before.
now?

i am seriously considering
if i am in the wrong place.
i am stuck here.
bail me out with 50k.

silence is golden
heard it over the radio
some mid-20s crescentian
reminising the old school days
where the discipline mistress played that song
to shut us up.
why do we only missed it when it's all gone?

saw my art students in the morning
saw my d&t students in the afternoon.
don't slack.
i would like to push you all,
but i'm only this one person.
this small one person.

reader k | 6/02/2005 04:40:00 PM | 0 comments