Monday, May 30, 2005
whispers of summer II
it was on sale.
bought 3 packs.
gonna drink them all.
as if i'm safe-keeping summer,
in myself.
mad.
it's kiki's friend,
summer's birthday.
he gave kiki a bowl and a beacon streak.
how sweet a doggie friend.
i'll see my two angels tomorrow,
helping me.
how sweet those two.
the third was delayed,
or dead.
reader k | 5/30/2005 09:51:00 PM |
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may-hem
thanks for collecting the papers,
but no one thank me for keeping it for them,
as if it is for granted.
i even have two extras.
maybe i should charge them fees for this safe-keeping.
thankyou for not protesting when i asked you lot
to cancel your appointments
and help me tomorrow.
(then again, it may be silent protest)
truely, i was a bit doubtful.
i hope i won't get aeroplanes tomorrow.
how many things can go wrong in a day?
students fell sick,
students cried,
students vomitted,
printers don't work,
paper work never seems to end.
why am i munching on glico pretz?
i need a hug.
reader k | 5/30/2005 02:41:00 AM |
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Friday, May 27, 2005
hell
i thought i would dread it,
but no.
hours of talking,
but it's fine.
i see traces of how they fling their hair,
how they speak,
how they twitch their eyes,
how they listen to me;
a bit here and there,
from their blood-relations.
two more left.
my problem children.
they amused me yesterday.
needed that.
but sadly, i need to demuse them on monday.
*take heed
the week never seems to end.
so much work.
i don't need to rest,
i need to just die.
more negative comments about the guilt.
i am really, really helpless.
even after it's cleared, it had stained.
get away, get away, get away.
get a way.
get aw ay.
ge taw ay.
reader k | 5/27/2005 10:32:00 PM |
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
here now, gone tomorrow
i caught guilty in the loo.accidentally.surprised myself,surprised her too.
that's it.
not sure what's going to happen next.
maybe nothing at all,
maybe that's what she wants.
i may lose another.
so this is it.
reader k | 5/26/2005 07:47:00 PM |
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
mock absence
your stated mock absence
cheated a dose of my wisdom,
but it's ok.
your call for help in the morning,
reminded what CP30 said,
'i felt so....helpless'
i was.
i was amused
by your mock absence
was crashed
by my inability to help
was delighted
to find you unhurt
and present.
i found out where the church is, later.
the angels of st. mary must have watched over you,
sheltered you.
i am glad.
still,
mock exams, hahahahaha
reader k | 5/25/2005 06:04:00 PM |
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
simulacra
once i watched j and her group did simulacra.
she missed my group's 'death of the reader / deridda'
with roland barthe as the narrator.
those were the best two projects i felt,
i have enjoyed.
all mockery of mocks.
we did the simplest thing.
everyone felt cheated.
we were glad.
missed the coffee session with j and sk,
because of remedial.
missed them both, my muse.
madrid rain (indeed it rained in spain)
sk wandering in all the gardens,
j in all the zara lefties,
me and A watched.
Simulacra.
how sweet are those pastries.
mock exams. hahaha.
reader k | 5/24/2005 09:25:00 PM |
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Monday, May 23, 2005
make stars, not wars
"do or do not.....there is no try."
Yoda.
this week i heard yoda's wise words,
felt obi-wan's despair and disappointment with anakin,
saw anakin turned to the dark side,
as he changed, he cried.
not a happy movie,
left with my eyes wet.
consolation with something i read:
"Sometimes when i make you angry the previous day,
it takes me quite an effort plus extra thick skin
to talk to you
because i can't possibly leave you angry.
It does leave a mental note for us.
If we ever crumble,
i will eat back the crumbs and remember."
on a happier note:
i mistook the first elephant A drew for me
as Darth Vader.
and i wonder why he drew me that.
he said it was the front view of an elephant.
reader k | 5/23/2005 04:04:00 PM |
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
whispers of summer
5 years back, this time.
first time ever,
knowing the presence of the warmth,
the blue sky,
will be staying for a longer while,
puts a smile on my face.
each morning,
i will check the weather.
check the temperature.
summer is the time i abandon this routine.
i have so much summer back home,
that i took it for granted.
then i understand how precious it is.
i dedicated songs for it,
i planned a meal for it,
i reserved my sweetest smile for it.
why do humans only understood
after they have lost it?
incidentally, there is a juice with a flavour called
"whispers of summer".
how beautiful!
reader k | 5/21/2005 01:50:00 PM |
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wear your best suit on friday, if you care
no,
no explanation from you,
not during the night before when you called,
not during the last period when i saw you.
maybe you did messaged, but it didn't get to me.
perhaps it's meant to be.
the fact that you bothered to defend yourself
after it all,
could possibly be the sign of
a little remorse,
a little concern,
a little worry,
and a little respect.
but the difference between
knowing the wrong thing and doing it
and
knowing the wrong thing and not doing it,
is GREAT.
your possible little remorse, concern, worry and respect
are not possible to fill this GREAT gap.
we were all tired.
i was sick the day before with 24 testimonials to complete,
it didn't help to make me feel much better, sooner.
but it's friday.
it is like going to church - you want to be there, no matter what.
i want to be there to help you see progress,
but you were not there for me to help.
so think about it.
i have 10 of you.
2 informed of valid reasons to be absent.
2 were present.
6 were absent, without reasons.
i think i have failed, as an art teacher.
i have failed to induce interest and passion into everyone of you
to motivate you.
afterall, i am no god.
my temple function on such an unpopular day - friday.
i can only do so much.
so, suit yourself.
reader k | 5/21/2005 01:29:00 PM |
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Friday, May 20, 2005
this is for all the art students
why do you think it is ok
to skip art remedial just the way you like it?
what makes you think that it is ok at all?
what do you take your teachers as?
do you know that art remedials is
as important as your other remedials?
do you know that all your art teachers stayed on
every friday for all of you instead of taking off early?
what gives you the right to come and go as you please?
which remedials have you attended that allowed you to:
1) listen to music
2) use your handphones
3) eat and drink (sometimes at the expense of your teachers)
4) talk personal stuffs to your teachers
what makes you think that it is ok
not to even have the courtesy to inform/explain your absence?
what makes you think that when you appear
in the art room the next time, the teachers will still help you?
do you know that your irresponsible actions
are hurting?
i guess you all didn't know.
not because you are young,
not because you are innocent.
it's because you are selfish, inconsiderate,
can't be bothered, taking things for granted.
reader k | 5/20/2005 05:57:00 PM |
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
reckless
the word seems to be so forgiving.
an excuse for anything said, anything done
that caused hurt.
an unfortunate dialogue,
i should not have started.
mistaken intention,
mistaken resolution.
all in favour of nothing.
if it is ok,
then let me fade away from your reckless words and deeds,
i do not wish to belong here.
it hurts.
for some reason,
i may recklessly put an expiry date
on my patience and love for you.
reader k | 5/18/2005 03:10:00 PM |
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Monday, May 16, 2005
the doubtful guest
as soon as I got there,
i felt strange
and totally doubtful about my pressence
there.
why was i there?
oh yes, the entry proofs.
i didn't want to be there,
not sure what to expect,
or what not to.
Saw them everyday,
but it feels like I have not seen them
at all.
it was not entry-proof-ed.
i exit.
doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful
doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful
doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful
doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful doubtful
reader k | 5/16/2005 07:41:00 PM |
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there it goes
and the silence begins.
no warnings.
i was taken aback,
but i was half expecting it.
somehow, i felt it coming.
don't ask me how.
as i sat, typing the remarks,
the silence gets louder.
no news,
no comments,
no disturbances,
no complaints,
no callings for help,
no excuses,
no defences,
no lies,
no hellos,
no goodbyes.
pure silence.
it is like the deal is off,
just like the way i've terminated my credit card,
at least i wrote a letter to inform them.
oh yah,
big deal.
reader k | 5/16/2005 03:50:00 PM |
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Saturday, May 14, 2005
d/if ferent
not enough to be an epic,
but enough to be entertaining.
i watched him conquering the city,
i watched you conquering the chips.
one glamourous, one totally silly,
both entertaining.
forward to more caffine,
we placed the cards out-front,
not sure if you heard me loud and clear,
or were you drown in the whiskey and rum?
i think you knew.
warm night,
it was d/if ferent.
not sure how and why.
how many more fridays,
i wouldn't know,
i dare not count.
reader k | 5/14/2005 12:10:00 PM |
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
finding the way out
the punch line is:
we need to leave.
pack and leave right away.
with 42 pieces of belongings,
that will no longer belong here.
waiting to depart is when your eyes went blank,
your heartbeat irregular, you sigh long and big,
then your head starts to swirl,
and you think unthinkable thoughts.
the dangerous husband.
unknown language.
make someone happy.
buy more accessories.
here comes the departing pause.
guess who is on?
me, you and the 42 pieces of belongings
and a little red fox.
we drank orange juice with gin,
the pilot yak and yak and yak.
request for tomato juice.
we painted the interior tomato red,
so that the little red fox
blends in.
delicious red.
we are all beautifully red.
and decided to depart from the vehicle.
with red, we jump.
and more splattered red later.
me, you and the 42 pieces of belongings
and a little red fox.
reader k | 5/11/2005 10:59:00 PM |
0 comments
lost messages
i m sleeping under the stars
22:10:55
20-03-2001
i m back! with yr postcard :p
18:59:41
11-09-2002
are u in school?
11:23:57
04-12-2002
i was half way to dream land
08:46:26
11-12-2002
hope sky is clear tonight
00:54:33
25-12-2002
hope you had great xmas!
23:32:56
25-12-2003
reader k | 5/11/2005 07:59:00 PM |
0 comments
can't stop crying
they can't stop crying.
it took such a long time.
tears flow, flow, flow,
my heart cries,
when i read:
solitude
journey
movement
modernity VS traditional
reflection
form and structure
i don't get it,
i don't get why they can't get it.
why can't things be taken in a simpler way?
why don't they open the box
and see that it is not just a box?
that it can be flat,
and we can all sit our ass on it, flat.
should i leave it?
or see it through?
should i learn to accept it,
but wash it off with tears?
boo hoo hoo
"Build a casket for my tears"
from Poe, House of Leaves soundtrack
reader k | 5/11/2005 07:49:00 PM |
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the silence between us
impromptu.
and we met.
everything is still the same,
there is no strangeness at all.
we ate, we shop, we walked, we talked.
we laughed.
and i'd really missed it all.
it never to end, deep down,
but we were tired.
as i walked alone to my car,
my head went blank.
sitting in the dark for a few minutes,
mesmerised by the silence of it all
- the silence between us,
neither of us talked about it, again.
as if nothing had happened,
before.
it was good,
just like before.
no worries,
only tiredness, which is natural.
then james iha sang to me all the way home.
not sure when the impromptu is happening again.
reader k | 5/11/2005 07:34:00 PM |
0 comments
Monday, May 09, 2005
why?
some of them just don't get it.
they really will never, never learn
until a long long time later, perhaps.
totally disappointed
for that 3 hours.
yes, it is perhaps the most relaxed subject,
among all the shit they are taking,
but they just don't see it,
how disappointed I was.
at the quality,
and mostly, the attitude.
i prepared for the worst,
but didn't expect it to be this bad.
my heart sank,
a pain in my chest.
still, i laughed at their silly jokes,
not sure to ease my pain,
or to confuse them,
so that they won't see my disappointment.
afterall,
they are still kids.
that excuse works everytime.
reader k | 5/09/2005 11:55:00 PM |
0 comments
Saturday, May 07, 2005
watching her, watching me - Janet Frame
NZ film fest.
caught the first movie:
'An Angel At My Table'
A trilogy about NZ writer Janet Frame.
She was dignosed as havng schizophrenia,
stayed at Seacliff Hospital for 8 years,
receiving electro shock as the new treatment,
to make her BETTER.
She is not a schizophrenic.
She just want to be alone.
Wrong dignose.
Among the luns,
you became one.
you believe you are one.
Among the happy people,
you are afraid of mixing,
you felt more sad.
when i realised i was only depress,
and not mad,
i was angry,
for they have put me with the mads.
i came home,
found all my writings,
gone.
they really think i was mad,
and i know i've worried them.
reader k | 5/07/2005 11:26:00 PM |
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Friday, May 06, 2005
golly golly go go
recovering from the strange coordinates,
i meet my dearies.
more caffine,
more crap,
more crap still.
we were all tired,
yet no one wants to leave.
flu boy's annoying sinus
was the last draw.
taking the expressway,
mesmerised by the lights,
CK wondered why there are no traffic lights.
we knocked his big head.
then i had a car-full of silence.
but we were all happy.
happy happy joy joy.
reader k | 5/06/2005 10:52:00 PM |
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Perpendicular Line (2423, 1613)
2423 was reversing.
1613 came into sight,
forming a perpendicular line.
1613 did not see 2423.
it has been too long ago.
i forgot how to react.
i didn't know what to feel.
i sat in there,
thinking.
i did not feel anything.
parallel lines will never meet.
perpendicular lines do,
at one point.
so this was the point,
i presumed.
i wanted to think that this island is just too small,
and nothing to do with fate at all.
no, nothing.
otherwise,
it will dwell deeper.
i hate that.
blame it on the small island.
i should move to the east.
reader k | 5/06/2005 10:43:00 PM |
0 comments
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
i was not amused
dare i said they are all the same?
i start to doubt my senses.
they will be gone soon
and no one will remember.
but at this moment,
it pains to be taken lightly,
when what i meant to give and said,
was not given lightly.
i find myself not able to balance them.
i held onto one today,
but i have to risk losing the other.
i am so tired.
it felt like i am hurting myself.
reader k | 5/04/2005 05:09:00 PM |
0 comments
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
talk about the weather
back in england,
we talked about the weather,
heaps about it,
a whole channel about it,
serious talk about it
how the winds are,
the direction of the rain,
the colours of the clouds,
how nice it is to see real blue sky today!
here in singapore,
we don't.
if we do, it's just because we are not having
a real conversation.
a monologue:
heat outside.
coolness inside the staff (stuffed) room.
in and out,
hot and cold.
after hours of paper work,
my head went numb.,
it's 6.30pm and i am still stucked at school.
suddenly it rained.
i stood outside and watched the rain.
closed my eyes and listened to the rain.
a monologue of the sound of rain.
then i wonder how i'm getting over to my car.
you said i should just ran over.
i stood,
watching the rain.
not bothered by how to get to the car anymore.
an umbrella was obtained.
still i was drenched.
but i'm fine.
you were at home,
there is no conversation,
you had flu instead.
reader k | 5/03/2005 07:58:00 PM |
0 comments
irritating pause
once again,
i know i shouldn't write to you, but i felt so lost now.i know i shouldn't write, all the more so, when it's 20 mins to my next lesson. i should be preparing myself with my paint and what not now.
but alas.
my favourite student is absent today.i felt so lost.he had a flu.then again, he's probably watching Liverpool win the match at home.
3 more hours of lessons,
2 more meetings,
then i will be able to flop down at my desk,
to deal with the pile of paperwork.
i was hoping to hear from you,
on my birthday.
was telling myself you may send me a last-lastbirthday message,
or you may not.my latter guess was correct.
i was not upset.
i see that as us moving on to another stage
of this strange non-existence friendship.
it is a monologue.
i'm the only one talking here.
i hope my student is fine.
he has become my muse,
in many ways.
everyday is about him.
how irritating.
be happy,k
reader k | 5/03/2005 07:48:00 PM |
0 comments
Sunday, May 01, 2005
april has ended
my favourite month of the year
has gone.
will have to wait another year again.
my birthday has gone,
my film fest are done.
april is a fantastic month.
which other month has itself dedicated to the fools?
only the April Fools.
i'll miss you.
:(
reader k | 5/01/2005 07:23:00 PM |
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