sometimes people choose to believe
what they think they'd known,
what they think they'd seen.
and in a state of desperation,
when they can't seem to find
a better solution,
a better reason
to accept the truth,
they made up their own.
i'd experienced that
in my younger years.
i shut off words
that i don't want to hear
people i don't want to see
or care about.
am suspicious of people's intention,
cynical of their concern,
totally ignorant of what should be done.
not knowing that
i was not alone.
i cling onto false belief,
as that gives me comfort (temporary)
but brought along deeper hurt
i didn't expect.
i ignore advice,
hurt my loved ones.
i just wanted to leave
everyone who cares,
for someone who doesn't anymore.
even that last desperation
trip, i failed.
i didn't manage to leave.
instead
i have more doubts,
more unresolved equations,
totally unncessary.
no one was to be blame,
not even him.
he had already done enough,
said enough,
given enough.
i just wanted more,
not realising it's toxic
in the long run.
i was glad,
he had taken the alternative.
cruel it may be,
it helped me
moved on.
the only sweetness
he left for me
was
"to be happy".
it's hard to accept.
9 years now.
at times i still bump into him.
live for yourself,
not him.
reader k | 9/30/2005 12:26:00 PM |
