i digged out old stuffs, to find my resume.
last written in year 2007.
i remembered i wanted to go somewhere then, but was held back.
strange. 2 years later, i added more lines. so much i've done, i feel like throwing up.
yucks.
i consulted mr jamil about building a yurt.
i still can't pronounce the word, even though W has pronounced it many times for me today.
i learn new things everyday. i stop teaching new things to my kids.
i ought to venture else.
today i have to sign a card. handmade by guys in the room. he drew me as the cloud and name it as 'car-loud'. that i have not learnt, why.
but it's cool - car loud.
someone once said i always come into the room with a cloud above me. that i can't recall who, and why.
B once drew me a card, with dark clouds over my head... and then in the next frame, it pours onto me. i was drenched. and he said sometimes life is like that. don't be too upset. i tried to message B today, my message can't reach him. where is he?
so i continue to dig out my old resume, renew it with more lines.
and i realised, i had a diploma in art education, with distinction.
i've never added that in. never occurred to me i had that to add in.
so i added in, in my 2009 version resume.
but so what?
i dig out my portfolio. i missed all those things i did before.
i admire my own patience then. how amazing youth can do for a person.
every piece of work is not about how much time and effort, but who each piece of work reminded me of.
so many people.
then back to today's conversation. i was feeling too cold at that moment to react in any ways.
i didn't react.
until i parked my car. i think think think (i missed Grace at this point),
i should feel upset.
i should feel unjust.
so i messaged S and C and told them i am upset.
but i still have no answer to help me understand why.
why it hurts.
hey hey, if it's only that easy.
then i found more stuffs.
j-k writing. i totally missed that.
the story of K
1.playground love
‘The first person I’d discussed
About the best way to kill oneself
Is the person I killed myself for’
k
2.clouds up ghost song
‘j,
I typed one just now
And it was gone
I am typing it again
All based on my memory
k.’
3.dark messages
the time k asked for a stamp
the time k asked j what the cards she drew meant
all the time when k could not ask to see him
4.the word ‘L’
A guy came up to k at the library
he started naming names
they both might know.
k excused herself
5.the name ‘L’
When k took the extra route
Just so to see L’s car parked outside
She would wait
Till it’s the latest time
6.empty H(eart)
k and L were made for each other
so both of them try not to meet again
pretending they have never met
7.dead bodies
k just finished j’s suicidenotebook
there is a dead body on each page
it’s a funny book
8. suicide noveauground
k and j made a suicide pact
they decided to live
titles cited or appropriated will be credited
it might take a more play-form - k wrote to j: …..
or more narrative
